When you’re in recovery, moments of regret can sneak up on you. You might think about things you said or did while you were using, people you hurt, time you lost, or opportunities that slipped away. Those memories can feel heavy. They can make you wonder if you’ll ever be able to make things right.
If you’re feeling this way, you’re not alone. Regret is one of the most common emotions people experience during recovery, especially as the fog of addiction begins to lift and you start to see things more clearly. But it’s also one of the most dangerous feelings if you don’t know how to manage it. Left unchecked, regret can pull you back and toward the substances you’ve worked so hard to leave behind.
Reasons Why You May Feel Regret
Recovery brings clarity and with it, awareness of the impact addiction has had on your life and the lives of others. It’s normal to look back and wish things had gone differently. You might regret:
- Hurting loved ones through broken promises, arguments, or lost trust.
- Missing out on important life moments such as holidays, milestones, or connections.
- Wasting time or opportunities because substance use took priority.
How Regret Can Fuel a Relapse
When regret becomes overwhelming, it can start to feel unbearable. You might think you can’t deal with the pain and you just want to forget. That’s exactly how addiction often begins in the first place—trying to numb or escape difficult emotions.
Here’s how regret can quietly lead you toward relapse if you’re not careful:
- Emotional avoidance. You try to push away feelings of guilt or sadness instead of processing them.
- Self-blame and shame. You believe you’re unworthy of a better life, convincing yourself that recovery isn’t possible.
- Isolation. You pull away from supportive people or stop reaching out for help because you feel too embarrassed or guilty.
- Romanticizing the past. You start to think that using “just once” will help you feel better or take the edge off your emotions.
Healthy Ways to Cope With Regret
You don’t have to let regret control you. You can acknowledge your past without being defined by it. Here are healthy ways to cope when regret starts to surface:
- Practice Self-Forgiveness
Forgiveness doesn’t mean pretending nothing happened. It means accepting that you’re human—that you made mistakes, but you’re also capable of change. Try reminding yourself: I can’t change what I did, but I can control what I do now.
- Make Amends When The Time Is Right
Part of healing involves repairing relationships where possible. If you’ve hurt someone, a sincere apology can begin to rebuild trust. But remember, making amends is a process. It may take time, and not everyone will be ready to forgive right away.
Even if others can’t accept your apology, you can still find peace in knowing you’ve taken responsibility.
- Focus On the Present
Regret keeps you trapped in yesterday, but recovery happens one day at a time. When you notice yourself getting lost in “what ifs,” bring your attention back to the present moment. Ask yourself: What can I do right now to support my recovery?
Meditation, mindfulness, or grounding techniques can help you stay connected to the here and now, where change is possible.
- Talk About How You Feel
Don’t carry the weight of regret alone. Talk to a therapist, sponsor, support group, or trusted friend. Saying your feelings out loud can lessen their power and give you new ways to understand them.
If you’re part of a recovery community such as Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) or Narcotics Anonymous (NA), you’ll likely find others who have felt the same way. Sharing your story helps you feel less alone—and helps others, too.
- Write It Out
Journaling is one of the simplest yet most powerful tools for healing. Write about what you regret, what you’ve learned, and what kind of person you want to become. Over time, you’ll begin to see how far you’ve come.
- Celebrate Your Progress
It’s easy to focus on what went wrong, but don’t forget what’s going right. Celebrate your sobriety milestones, no matter how small. Each day of recovery is a victory that deserves recognition.
- Create Meaning From Your Past
Instead of letting regret define you, use it to inspire you. Volunteer, mentor someone new in recovery, or share your story when you’re ready. Helping others gives purpose to your past pain and transforms it into strength.
What to Do When Regret Feels Overwhelming
Sometimes, regret can feel like too much to handle on your own. If you start to feel hopeless or tempted to use again, reach out for help immediately. Call your sponsor, talk to your counselor, or contact a treatment center like Pacific Sky Recovery Center.
At Pacific Sky Recovery Center in Spokane, Washington, we believe recovery is about more than staying sober. It’s about learning to live with honesty, acceptance, and self-compassion. To learn more about our programs and services, please reach out to us today.
